On Dementation

Once upon a time, all Malkavians had an aptitude for a particular discipline. With this power, a malkavian could alter the memories of subjects, make a subject do something they wouldn't normally do, it was in fact an advanced for of hypnosis, and this power was called Dominate. And it wasn't just the Malkavians that used it, other Clans had harnessed this power, the Ventrue were proported to be masters of it even.

Then in the fringe cultures, we had become aware of other malkavians, those that no longer used this discipline but had developed another, one that could in effectively pass the curse of Malkav onto its victims, a temporary or sometimes not-so-temporary arrangement. And the older ones scoffed at this, and said it was an aberration. And so it was largely ignored until recently, the older ones started to note that younger, or newly created malkavians no longer practiced the discipline of Dominate, but had developed this fringe discipline.

Now, it may not be historically that big of a deal for one clan to slowly absorb a new or moderation of an original power. But I see this as being quite significant, if not for Malkavians, but for the whole of the Kindred. Why? Simple. Because the original Dominate discipline was flawed. Elder kindred were immune to the manipulations of younger ones. Good for them, I'm sure that all slept easier in their coffins knowing this. But, bad for the neonates, because those in power would always be in power, and while the young ones could be victims of the mind alterations, older ones were immune. It seemed to be a one way street, an a disadvantage for the average neonate.

Now, enter Dementation. It would not seem like that big of a deal unless you consider all the facts, and the subtle ways the discipline plays against other kindred. See, Dominate had a fatal flaw (see above). The malkavians shirk this flawed power off for one that is infinitely more useful, against kindred and mortals alike. Still, not a big deal....but wait, there's more. If you investigate the power of Dementation you start to realize a certain pattern, that elders may find really frightening if they consider the implications. Now, elder vampires are gluttons for power, not only amassing wealth and power in the kine area, but also learning tons of disciplines and powers over the course of their eternal lifespans, which make it almost impossible for a young kindred to ever go up against the eldest of their kinds. But this power is inversely proportional to other disadvantages of age. Have you ever really looked at the elders. I mean, really looked at their gaunt features and sunken emotionless eyes and notice there is a pattern of degradation. And dementation is especially effective against these types. Not as effective on unawakened kine as it is on elder ones (at least most of them). If you don't believe me, try it on an older one or even a Sabbat. Just don't get caught. You'll see. Maybe its because the older you get the closer to crazy you are, just requiring a little dose of dementation to push you over the edge. Or maybe this is but a sign of something else, a time when the tenants of the elders can no longer apply to the neonate. The next generation; time to make some changes.


Death and Dying


There is a principle, that you see the world without as a reflection of what is within. And you can't change the world, but you can change yourself, and in doing so you change the world around you. All is illusion. All is perspective. And the world isn't going to change. You can.You can be swallowed up by it, or you can move within it, spiralling downward, occasionally finding yourself outside of it and looking in on yourself as if everything including yourself were some parody of existence.

A simple please, to keep the faithful on their knees.

To the madness I do confess, I never saw myself as blessed.

The truth is boredom, more or less

Unused, obsessed.

I've died three times now. The first time when I was born, not that I remember this, but I was told I was born blue and silent, which is a bad sign if you know babies at all. But, thanks to modern medicine and persistent doctors, they had me squawking in no time, approximately 7 minutes later. 7 minutes of downtime. DOA.

The second time I died was 25 years later, and the setting was not much different from the first time. Hospitals and doctors, seems to be a theme in my life. This death was a little different, planned in some twisted way after years of servitude. I remember the moment of death, it was so calm and tranquil, all the voices and hospital noises faded becoming distorted then eventually gone all together. I remember this. Then for a while nothingness, a blank spot there, like a videotape that has been edited, 3 minutes of downtime on this one. My doctor recorded things like this. She was very meticulous in her notekeeping. All the little ghouls lined up in a row, each with a dark purpose in a long term research project. The first thing I remember about waking up is how loud the fan was, it seemed deafening, only it wasn't a fan. It sounded like one though, but the noise was definitely in my head, eventually the whirring faded, separated into the layers, one was Carly's voice, she was angry. She was always angry. And detached, she told me to get my ass up. Maybe this has the same affect as when you slap a newborn on a rear, stuns them into action, to drawing those first feeble breaths of life. And I drew mine, drew myself up out of the void, when it may have been easier to stay down. In the end, there was no other option. I wasn't ready to die.

The third time I died was 5 years later, in a riverfront park. This was the most violent and quick of all the deaths. There was no downtime that I was aware of, but the body died so quickly, there wasn't much of a chance to really feel anything. It must be like how a bug feels, when its just casually flying along, and SPLAT, right into a windshield. Doesn't even know what hit him. So, the body died, incredibly fast, there was no real pain, not that I recall, if there was it was so instant, it felt more like...an intense pressure. Then a pop, like splitting seams, and there I was above it. Released again from death, watching it from below, the body's eyes staring up, intestines and blood flowing in rivulets down the steps, all became so very surreal in more surreal ways than it started off as.

So, is it cheating? How long does a person have before the Grim Reaper catches up with you. And I have a message for him when he does, the same message I left the last three times: I'm not ready to die. Catchya later.


On the Masquerade

It was a good idea, maybe once upon a time. I can see it, old century hunters equipped with pitchforks, torches and wooden arrows. Might have been rough. But Jesus Christ, turn on the tv and watch the Jerry Springer show. You got Marilyn Manson wannabe vampires on television and people call this entertainment. So, it really pisses me off when I get the royal handslap for flashing a fang or rolling my eyes at the staunchly guarded vampire secrets, when it seems that the whole of humanity could care less. You got William decided a Bloodhunt needs to be called on a poor little ravnos just because she spit at him and said out loud she was a vampire, with no one in sight. What kind of shit is this? All it does is alienate those who would be friends, while people who disagree with the orders are either too lazy or too afraid to speak out against it. I can understand that, I've been in the doghouse for a few years over this issue, but I stand by what I say. The Camarilla cripples itself with these notions of the masquerade and secrecy, I swear an elder would rather see you sacrifice yourself to your enemies rather than break this long held tradition. Of course, they are often exempt from the own rules, claiming that its done for the good of the whole sect...my ass, its all about power and the ability to punish someone with the flick of a word..."he broke the masquerade...burn him!". ---- Now, make no mistake. I have paid for my beliefs, and I certainly don't advertise it, nor do I run around breaking the masquerade. This is for purely selfish reasons. I may stand by my beliefs, but I'm not as willing to die for them.