Who am I....

I am a shallow person. If such a shallow self-concept offends you, then consider that those who place deep meaning into their own existence and purposes are often grasping at things that aren't there. God is guiding them just as much as the Easter Bunny is....and just because a larger percentage of the populace believes in God, doesn't make the entity any more real than the Easter Bunny. I also learned early in life, that there is a great security in thinking that others are guiding your life, or that some entity has a great plan for you, but it is a false security. There is no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

I am a creature of habit. Change disturbs me, there is cold comfort in constancy, even if the constant is less than desirable. Change is risk, because you may end up worse than you were before. Unless the outcome of the change is certain, it is better to leave things as they are

I am Ventrue. The so-called Clan of Kings. Funny, I must have missed the session where they handed me the crown. I suppose the statement is accurate in one sense, the Ventrue clan is a good ol boys club, and note that it is the Clan of Kings, not Queens. Women in the clan had very little upward mobility, times are changing, but the sentiments still exist within the elders of the clan. Woman are trophies and trinkets, and they exist to adorn the arms of Kings. It was this sentiment and these restrictions that drove me from the Clan so many years ago, and the realization that things outside the clan were not that different, that drove me back. I am, as said, a shallow person.

I am self-serving. Though on some levels, actions I take may seem altruistic, I can even pretend that they are, and believe it for a while. But if I am honest with myself, I recognize that I do nothing that does not incur some advantage or gain for myself. Though others may be surprised to find that I am not that ambitious, and the gains and advantages I desire are more in line with creature comforts, pleasure, and amusement. Others are very likely to read more into it. By nature of blood, I am an evil, powermongering thing, and superficially I probably fit the stereotype. Internally, with power comes responsibility, and less pleasure, less amusement, and it can be a very uncomfortable place to be in.

I am a contrarian. I even contradict myself to such a degree that sometimes I feel that my own thoughts aren't real, I can't define anything about myself, and just when I think I've defined it, my mind changes. What I feel today, and what is true today within my own conceptual paradigm is as malleable and changeable as the weather. Maybe the Easter Bunny is real, after all.